gracious

It's not on the list, because it is newly acquired or shall I say recognized?

I am amazed that at 32 I am still forming opinions and coming to understand things about this life we all live--is there not yet a "Life for Dummies" book?

I suppose we never stop learning, but at times the lesson is more profound than others and affects the path and actions you take forever more. Some of the more important things I have learned about life in recent years:

· It becomes much harder to make good friends as you get older

· Most people are living the life they think they have to versus the life they want to live

· Money truly is not everything and is more often nothing

· The more responsibility you assume, the more control you have (for better or worse)

· Grace is one of the most powerful qualities a human being can possess

Most recently I have come to terms with this: We all have lines, boundaries. These lines are all across the board. Mine are, surprisingly, much more conservative in comparison to the sample population.

"Conservative" is not a word I, nor anyone who even remotely knows me, would attach to my description, but I am realizing that I have some strong moral standards I was previously unaware of (or potentially suppressed in favor of some bad ass fun). I'm not talking about social activities--I think I will always have much wider lines than most--but about things that really matter. Honesty. Integrity. Loyalty. Um, standards?

I'm most surprised to find that people aren't really "good", and blur these lines or blatantly ignore them more often than not. Naive is yet another word I would never use to describe myself but lately I'm feeling like I've been living in an alternate universe--the same one I have always accused my sister of setting up shop in with her so very infrequent visits to jaded earth. I always believed that good will, compassion, honesty and integrity would come back to you in heaps.

Heaps of bullshit, maybe. Piled on thick and suffocating while you stand there asking yourself "is this really happening, I thought I..."

Yet, somehow I still have faith--or a severe personality flaw, whatever you want to call it depending on where you stand.

I will still be the bigger person. I will not be intimidated by you. I will still do what I feel to be right. I will bite my tongue. I will bide my time. I will still look for the good in people, and quietly smile when those who aren't are eaten by one of their own.

Because here's the lesson: At the end of the day, you must be happy with yourself. No action or reaction will be worse than not staying true to yourself and your boundaries.

It feels good to hold this knowledge and know it to be true. Kind of like going back to junior high armed with everything you learned after age 18.

So cross your lines, dance across mine. And watch as I go forward with, yep, grace.